Original Text(~250 words)
CHAPTER V. The author permitted to see the grand academy of Lagado. The academy largely described. The arts wherein the professors employ themselves. This academy is not an entire single building, but a continuation of several houses on both sides of a street, which growing waste, was purchased and applied to that use. I was received very kindly by the warden, and went for many days to the academy. Every room has in it one or more projectors; and I believe I could not be in fewer than five hundred rooms. The first man I saw was of a meagre aspect, with sooty hands and face, his hair and beard long, ragged, and singed in several places. His clothes, shirt, and skin, were all of the same colour. He had been eight years upon a project for extracting sunbeams out of cucumbers, which were to be put in phials hermetically sealed, and let out to warm the air in raw inclement summers. He told me, he did not doubt, that, in eight years more, he should be able to supply the governor’s gardens with sunshine, at a reasonable rate; but he complained that his stock was low, and entreated me “to give him something as an encouragement to ingenuity, especially since this had been a very dear season for cucumbers.” I made him a small present, for my lord had furnished me with money on purpose, because he knew their practice of begging from all who go to see them....
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Summary
Gulliver tours the Grand Academy of Lagado, a sprawling research institution where hundreds of professors work on completely ridiculous projects. He meets scientists trying to extract sunbeams from cucumbers, turn human waste back into food, and build houses starting from the roof down. One researcher uses hogs to plow fields by burying food underground, while another tries to make silk from spider webs fed on colored flies. The most absurd is a machine that randomly arranges words to automatically write books on any subject without requiring knowledge or talent. In the language school, professors want to eliminate words entirely, forcing people to carry physical objects to communicate instead. Students at the math school are supposed to learn by swallowing equations written on wafers, though most vomit them up before they can work. Swift uses these ridiculous experiments to mock the Royal Society and scientific institutions of his time that seemed more interested in impressive-sounding research than solving real problems. The satire reveals how academic pursuits can become divorced from practical benefit, how institutions can reward complexity over usefulness, and how the pursuit of knowledge can become an end in itself rather than a means to improve human life. Gulliver's polite reactions to obviously useless projects highlight how we often defer to supposed experts even when their work makes no sense.
That's what happens. To understand what the author is really doing—and to discuss this chapter with confidence—keep reading.
Terms to Know
Projector
In Swift's time, this meant someone who proposed grand schemes or inventions, often impractical ones. These weren't the machines we know today, but people who 'projected' ideas - usually to get funding or attention.
Modern Usage:
We see this in startup culture with entrepreneurs pitching impossible solutions, or in corporate 'innovation labs' that burn money on flashy projects that never work.
Academy of Sciences
Swift is mocking the Royal Society of London, founded in 1660 to advance scientific knowledge. These institutions claimed to pursue 'useful knowledge' but often got lost in abstract theories.
Modern Usage:
Think of university research departments or think tanks that seem disconnected from real-world problems, or tech companies claiming to 'change the world' with trivial apps.
Satire
A literary technique that uses humor, irony, and exaggeration to criticize human folly or institutions. Swift doesn't just mock - he's making serious points about how institutions can lose their way.
Modern Usage:
Shows like The Daily Show or Saturday Night Live use satire to criticize politics and culture, making serious points through comedy.
Hermetically sealed
Completely airtight, sealed so nothing can get in or out. The cucumber scientist wants to trap sunbeams in bottles this way. The term comes from ancient alchemy.
Modern Usage:
We still use this for food packaging, medical supplies, or any container that needs to keep contents pure and uncontaminated.
Ingenuity
Cleverness and inventiveness, especially in solving problems. The scientists constantly ask for money to reward their 'ingenuity,' even when their projects are useless.
Modern Usage:
Buzzword in business and tech - everyone claims their product shows 'ingenuity,' often when it's just a minor tweak on existing ideas.
Mechanical arts
Practical skills like carpentry, metalworking, or engineering - hands-on work that actually builds useful things. Swift contrasts this with the academy's useless theoretical projects.
Modern Usage:
The ongoing tension between 'blue collar' skilled trades and 'white collar' office work, where practical skills are often undervalued despite being essential.
Characters in This Chapter
The Cucumber Scientist
Deluded researcher
Represents the academy's disconnect from reality. He's spent eight years trying to extract sunbeams from cucumbers and wants eight more years plus funding. His appearance shows the toll of obsessive, pointless work.
Modern Equivalent:
The startup founder who's been 'disrupting' the same non-problem for years while living off investor money
The Warden
Institutional gatekeeper
Receives Gulliver kindly and facilitates his tour of the academy. Represents how institutions present themselves positively while housing completely dysfunctional operations.
Modern Equivalent:
The university administrator or corporate VP who gives polished tours while the actual work is chaos
Gulliver
Bewildered observer
Maintains polite interest in obviously ridiculous projects, even giving money to encourage them. His reactions show how we often defer to supposed expertise even when it makes no sense.
Modern Equivalent:
The person who nods along in meetings with buzzword-heavy presentations they don't understand
The Language Professors
Radical theorists
Want to eliminate words entirely and make people communicate by carrying physical objects. They represent how academic theories can become completely divorced from practical human needs.
Modern Equivalent:
The consultant who wants to revolutionize your workplace with a system that makes simple tasks impossibly complicated
Why This Matters
Connect literature to life
This chapter teaches how to recognize when organizations prioritize appearing innovative over solving actual problems.
Practice This Today
This week, notice when someone uses complicated language to describe simple problems—ask yourself what they're really trying to accomplish besides sounding smart.
You have the foundation. Now let's look closer.
Key Quotes & Analysis
"He had been eight years upon a project for extracting sunbeams out of cucumbers, which were to be put in phials hermetically sealed, and let out to warm the air in raw inclement summers."
Context: Gulliver describes the first scientist he meets at the academy
This perfectly captures Swift's satire - the project sounds scientific but is completely impossible. The specific timeline shows how institutions can fund useless research indefinitely while real problems go unsolved.
In Today's Words:
This guy's been working for eight years on a project that's basically trying to bottle sunshine, and he thinks he just needs more time and money.
"He entreated me to give him something as an encouragement to ingenuity, especially since this had been a very dear season for cucumbers."
Context: The scientist asks Gulliver for money after explaining his impossible project
Shows how failed projects always have excuses and always need more funding. The scientist blames cucumber prices rather than admitting his project is impossible, revealing how people avoid facing reality.
In Today's Words:
He basically said, 'Could you give me some cash to keep this brilliant idea going? It's not my fault - cucumbers are really expensive this year.'
"The most learned professor discoursed to me of the great improvements they had made in speculative learning, and the wonderful discoveries that had been made by the force of imagination."
Context: Gulliver describes how the academics present their worthless research
Swift mocks how institutions use impressive language to disguise useless work. 'Speculative learning' and 'force of imagination' sound important but produce nothing practical or beneficial.
In Today's Words:
The head professor gave me this whole speech about their amazing breakthroughs in theoretical stuff and incredible discoveries they'd made by just thinking really hard.
Intelligence Amplifier™ Analysis
The Road of Impressive Uselessness
Institutions reward complexity and innovation over practical results, creating systems that sound smart but solve nothing.
Thematic Threads
Class
In This Chapter
Academic elite pursue abstract projects while ignoring practical needs of common people
Development
Continues from earlier chapters showing how upper classes disconnect from reality
In Your Life:
You might see this when experts dismiss your practical concerns with complicated theories
Social Expectations
In This Chapter
Everyone politely pretends obviously useless research makes sense to avoid seeming ignorant
Development
Builds on pattern of conforming to absurd social norms
In Your Life:
You might nod along with workplace initiatives that make no sense to avoid looking stupid
Identity
In This Chapter
Professors define themselves through impressive-sounding but meaningless work
Development
Shows how people build identity around status rather than substance
In Your Life:
You might catch yourself choosing the complicated option just to seem more professional
Human Relationships
In This Chapter
Communication breaks down when people prioritize sounding smart over being understood
Development
Extends earlier themes about failed communication across different worlds
In Your Life:
You might overcomplicate explanations to seem more knowledgeable instead of being clear
Modern Adaptation
The Expert Consulting Circus
Following Gabriel's story...
Marcus gets assigned to the hospital's 'Innovation Committee' after mentioning process improvements. He watches consultants present elaborate solutions: a $50,000 app to track hand sanitizer usage when nurses already know which dispensers are empty, a complex scheduling algorithm that ignores actual patient needs, and a 'mindfulness training program' requiring iPads when staff just want adequate breaks. One consultant demonstrates a machine that supposedly optimizes patient room assignments using seventeen variables, though it consistently puts post-surgery patients on the wrong floor. The committee nods approvingly at each presentation while Marcus thinks about the broken wheelchair in storage and the understaffed night shifts. When he suggests fixing the wheelchair first, he's told that's 'not innovative enough for grant funding.' The consultants earn more in a day than Marcus makes in a month, solving problems that don't exist while ignoring obvious ones.
The Road
The road Gulliver walked through the Grand Academy in 1726, Marcus walks today through corporate consulting culture. The pattern is identical: institutions rewarding impressive complexity over practical solutions.
The Map
This chapter provides a bullshit detector for institutional theater. Marcus can now distinguish between genuine problem-solving and performance for its own sake.
Amplification
Before reading this, Marcus might have assumed the consultants knew something he didn't and felt intimidated by their presentations. Now he can NAME institutional theater, PREDICT when complexity masks incompetence, and NAVIGATE by focusing on real problems with simple solutions.
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
- 1
What kinds of ridiculous projects were the professors at the Grand Academy working on, and why did Gulliver find them so absurd?
analysis • surface - 2
Why do you think these professors continued working on obviously useless projects instead of solving real problems?
analysis • medium - 3
Where have you seen people in your workplace or community get rewarded for making things more complicated rather than more effective?
application • medium - 4
When someone presents you with an elaborate solution to a simple problem, how can you tell if they're actually helping or just trying to sound impressive?
application • deep - 5
What does this chapter reveal about how institutions can lose sight of their original purpose and start serving themselves instead of the people they're meant to help?
reflection • deep
Critical Thinking Exercise
Spot the Sunbeam Project
Think of a recent interaction with a company, institution, or expert where the solution seemed unnecessarily complicated. Write down what the simple version would look like and identify who benefits from the complexity. Then practice the three key questions: What problem is this actually solving? Who benefits from making it complicated? What would the obvious solution be?
Consider:
- •Look for jargon or technical language that seems designed to confuse rather than clarify
- •Notice if the person explaining can't give concrete examples of how their solution works in practice
- •Pay attention to whether the complexity serves the institution's needs more than yours
Journaling Prompt
Write about a time when you trusted an expert's complicated solution over your own common sense. What happened, and what would you do differently now?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 22: Political Medicine and Conspiracy Theories
The coming pages reveal absurd 'solutions' often mask deeper systemic problems, and teach us conspiracy theories reveal more about believers than reality. These discoveries help us navigate similar situations in our own lives.