Original Text(~250 words)
THAT WE LAUGH AND CRY FOR THE SAME THING When we read in history that Antigonus was very much displeased with his son for presenting him the head of King Pyrrhus his enemy, but newly slain fighting against him, and that seeing it, he wept; and that Rene, Duke of Lorraine, also lamented the death of Charles, Duke of Burgundy, whom he had himself defeated, and appeared in mourning at his funeral; and that in the battle of D’Auray (which Count Montfort obtained over Charles de Blois, his competitor for the duchy of Brittany), the conqueror meeting the dead body of his enemy, was very much afflicted at his death, we must not presently cry out: “E cosi avven, the l’animo ciascuna Sua passion sotto ‘l contrario manto, Ricopre, con la vista or’chiara, or’bruna.” [“And thus it happens that the mind of each veils its passion under a different appearance, and beneath a smiling visage, gay beneath a sombre air.”--Petrarch.] When Pompey’s head was presented to Caesar, the histories tell us that he turned away his face, as from a sad and unpleasing object. There had been so long an intelligence and society betwixt them in the management of the public affairs, so great a community of fortunes, so many mutual offices, and so near an alliance, that this countenance of his ought not to suffer under any misinterpretation, or to be suspected for either false or counterfeit, as this other seems to believe: “Tutumque putavit Jam bonus esse socer;...
Continue reading the full chapter
Purchase the complete book to access all chapters and support classic literature
As an Amazon Associate, we earn a small commission from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you.
Available in paperback, hardcover, and e-book formats
Summary
Montaigne explores one of humanity's most puzzling behaviors: how we can experience completely opposite emotions about the same event. He shares historical examples of warriors who wept over enemies they'd killed, like Caesar turning away from Pompey's severed head despite their rivalry. The key insight is that our souls contain multiple, competing emotions that can surface simultaneously - just as our bodies contain different humors that shift in dominance. A bride can genuinely love her new husband while also grieving the loss of her childhood home. A parent can be furious with their child one moment and protective the next, without either emotion being false. Montaigne argues that this emotional complexity isn't weakness or hypocrisy - it's human nature. We don't need to force ourselves into simple, consistent emotional states. Instead, we can accept that our feelings shift like sunlight, constantly renewed but appearing continuous. The essay validates the messy reality of human emotion, showing that contradictory feelings can coexist authentically. This understanding helps us be more compassionate with ourselves and others when emotions don't fit neat categories. Montaigne's message is liberating: you're not broken if you feel multiple things at once - you're human.
That's what happens. To understand what the author is really doing—and to discuss this chapter with confidence—keep reading.
Terms to Know
Antigonus
An ancient Greek king who wept when his son brought him the severed head of his enemy King Pyrrhus. Montaigne uses this as an example of how we can feel grief even for our enemies.
Modern Usage:
Like when a rival coworker gets fired and you feel genuinely sad despite competing with them for years.
Contradictory emotions
The human ability to feel opposite feelings about the same person or situation simultaneously. Montaigne argues this isn't hypocrisy but natural human complexity.
Modern Usage:
When you're both excited and terrified about a new job, or love your family but need space from them.
Caesar and Pompey
Former allies turned enemies in Roman civil war. When Pompey's head was presented to Caesar, he turned away in genuine grief despite their conflict.
Modern Usage:
Like former best friends who had a falling out but still feel pain when something bad happens to the other.
Humors
Ancient belief that the body contained different fluids that controlled emotions and temperament. Montaigne uses this to explain how our feelings can shift rapidly.
Modern Usage:
We now understand this as brain chemistry and how different situations trigger different emotional responses.
Duke of Lorraine mourning
Historical example of Rene, Duke of Lorraine, who defeated his enemy Charles of Burgundy but then mourned at his funeral, showing respect for a worthy opponent.
Modern Usage:
Like athletes who compete fiercely but console each other after the game ends.
Petrarch's verse
Italian poet's quote about how the mind veils its true passions under different appearances, sometimes seeming happy when sad or vice versa.
Modern Usage:
The idea that we often hide our real feelings behind masks, like smiling when we're actually hurt.
Characters in This Chapter
Antigonus
Grieving victor
A king who wept when his son brought him his enemy's severed head. His reaction shows that victory can bring unexpected sorrow when we recognize our opponent's humanity.
Modern Equivalent:
The boss who feels genuinely sad when they have to fire someone they competed with
Caesar
Conflicted conqueror
Turned away from Pompey's severed head despite their civil war. His grief was genuine because of their former friendship and shared history in Roman politics.
Modern Equivalent:
The person who can't celebrate when their ex-best friend fails, despite years of conflict
Pompey
Fallen rival
Caesar's former ally turned enemy whose death brought Caesar genuine grief. Represents how shared history creates lasting emotional bonds even through conflict.
Modern Equivalent:
The former friend whose tragedy still affects you despite years of being estranged
Rene, Duke of Lorraine
Respectful enemy
Defeated Charles of Burgundy but then mourned at his funeral. Shows how we can respect and grieve for worthy opponents even after defeating them.
Modern Equivalent:
The competitor who beats their rival but still feels sad about their opponent's loss
Why This Matters
Connect literature to life
This chapter teaches how to identify and validate contradictory emotions instead of forcing false emotional simplicity.
Practice This Today
This week, notice when you feel two opposing emotions about the same situation—name both feelings out loud instead of choosing one as 'correct.'
You have the foundation. Now let's look closer.
Key Quotes & Analysis
"And thus it happens that the mind of each veils its passion under a different appearance, and beneath a smiling visage, gay beneath a sombre air."
Context: Explaining why people might seem to feel opposite emotions from what we'd expect
This reveals that our outward expressions often hide our true feelings. We might smile when sad or appear serious when happy, making human emotions more complex than they appear on the surface.
In Today's Words:
People hide their real feelings behind whatever face they think they should wear.
"When Pompey's head was presented to Caesar, the histories tell us that he turned away his face, as from a sad and unpleasing object."
Context: Describing Caesar's reaction to seeing his former ally and later enemy's severed head
This shows that even political enemies can feel genuine grief for each other. Caesar's reaction wasn't fake - their shared history created real emotional bonds that survived their conflict.
In Today's Words:
When Caesar saw his old friend's head, he couldn't look - it made him genuinely sad, not triumphant.
"There had been so long an intelligence and society betwixt them in the management of the public affairs, so great a community of fortunes, so many mutual offices, and so near an alliance."
Context: Explaining why Caesar's grief over Pompey was genuine, not performative
Montaigne emphasizes that relationships create lasting emotional bonds. Even when people become enemies, their shared history of cooperation and friendship doesn't just disappear.
In Today's Words:
They had worked together for so long and been through so much that those feelings don't just vanish when you become enemies.
Intelligence Amplifier™ Analysis
The Road of Emotional Multiplicity
The natural human capacity to experience contradictory emotions simultaneously about the same situation without either feeling being false or invalid.
Thematic Threads
Identity
In This Chapter
Montaigne reveals that our emotional identity is multifaceted rather than singular, challenging the idea that we must have consistent emotional responses to be authentic.
Development
Builds on earlier explorations of self-knowledge by showing that knowing yourself includes accepting your emotional contradictions.
In Your Life:
You might recognize this when you feel both proud and embarrassed about your background, or love your family while needing distance from them.
Social Expectations
In This Chapter
Society expects simple, appropriate emotional responses, but human nature produces complex, contradictory feelings that don't fit social scripts.
Development
Continues the theme of questioning social norms by examining how emotional expectations limit authentic expression.
In Your Life:
You might notice pressure to feel only grateful for opportunities when you also feel overwhelmed, or only happy at celebrations when you're also sad.
Personal Growth
In This Chapter
Accepting emotional complexity as natural rather than problematic represents a mature understanding of human psychology.
Development
Advances the growth theme by showing that wisdom includes embracing rather than simplifying our emotional experience.
In Your Life:
You might grow by stopping the internal fight against having mixed feelings about major life changes or relationships.
Human Relationships
In This Chapter
Understanding that others also experience emotional contradictions creates space for more authentic and compassionate connections.
Development
Deepens relationship insights by showing how emotional complexity affects how we understand and relate to others.
In Your Life:
You might find more patience with family members when you recognize their contradictory feelings mirror your own internal experience.
Modern Adaptation
When the Promotion Goes Sideways
Following Arthur's story...
Arthur finally gets promoted to department chair after years of grinding as an adjunct professor. At the celebration dinner, he finds himself crying in the bathroom—not from joy, but from grief. The promotion means leaving behind the intimate classroom connections that drew him to teaching. He feels simultaneously proud of his achievement and mourning the loss of his teaching identity. His colleagues expect pure celebration, but Arthur experiences a tangle of emotions: excitement about finally having job security, anxiety about administrative duties he never wanted, guilt about earning more than his former adjunct colleagues still struggling, and deep sadness about losing daily contact with students. When his wife asks how he feels, Arthur struggles to explain that he can be grateful and devastated at the same time.
The Road
The road Montaigne's warriors walked in 1580, Arthur walks today. The pattern is identical: we can simultaneously hold opposing emotions about the same life event without either feeling being false.
The Map
This chapter provides a map for emotional complexity—showing Arthur that contradictory feelings aren't a sign of confusion but of depth. He can honor both his grief for what he's losing and his gratitude for what he's gaining.
Amplification
Before reading this, Arthur might have forced himself to feel only gratitude, suppressing his grief as ungrateful. Now he can NAME his emotional multiplicity, PREDICT that major life changes naturally trigger conflicting feelings, and NAVIGATE by honoring all his emotions without judgment.
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
- 1
Montaigne describes warriors who wept over enemies they had killed. What does this tell us about how emotions actually work versus how we think they should work?
analysis • surface - 2
Why does Montaigne compare our emotions to different humors in the body that shift in dominance? What does this metaphor help us understand about feeling multiple things at once?
analysis • medium - 3
Think about a recent situation where you felt conflicting emotions - maybe about a job change, relationship, or family situation. How does Montaigne's insight apply to your experience?
application • medium - 4
When someone you know expresses contradictory feelings about the same situation, how could understanding Montaigne's perspective change how you respond to them?
application • deep - 5
Montaigne argues that emotional complexity isn't weakness but human nature. How might accepting this change the way we judge ourselves and others?
reflection • deep
Critical Thinking Exercise
Map Your Emotional Complexity
Think of a current situation in your life that brings up mixed feelings - a relationship, job, family responsibility, or major decision. Draw a simple diagram with the situation in the center, then branch out all the different emotions you feel about it, even contradictory ones. Don't judge or try to resolve them - just map them out honestly.
Consider:
- •Include emotions that seem to contradict each other - they can both be true
- •Notice which emotions you've been trying to suppress or ignore
- •Consider how different aspects of the situation trigger different emotional responses
Journaling Prompt
Write about which of these emotions you've been most comfortable expressing to others, and which you've kept hidden. What would change if you allowed yourself to acknowledge the full range of your feelings about this situation?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 38: The Art of True Solitude
What lies ahead teaches us to distinguish between physical isolation and genuine solitude, and shows us running away from problems doesn't solve them - you take yourself with you. These patterns appear in literature and life alike.