Original Text(~250 words)
CHAPTER XIV After receiving her visitors, the countess was so tired that she gave orders to admit no more, but the porter was told to be sure to invite to dinner all who came “to congratulate.” The countess wished to have a tête-à-tête talk with the friend of her childhood, Princess Anna Mikháylovna, whom she had not seen properly since she returned from Petersburg. Anna Mikháylovna, with her tear-worn but pleasant face, drew her chair nearer to that of the countess. “With you I will be quite frank,” said Anna Mikháylovna. “There are not many left of us old friends! That’s why I so value your friendship.” Anna Mikháylovna looked at Véra and paused. The countess pressed her friend’s hand. “Véra,” she said to her eldest daughter who was evidently not a favorite, “how is it you have so little tact? Don’t you see you are not wanted here? Go to the other girls, or...” The handsome Véra smiled contemptuously but did not seem at all hurt. “If you had told me sooner, Mamma, I would have gone,” she replied as she rose to go to her own room. But as she passed the sitting room she noticed two couples sitting, one pair at each window. She stopped and smiled scornfully. Sónya was sitting close to Nicholas who was copying out some verses for her, the first he had ever written. Borís and Natásha were at the other window and ceased talking when Véra entered. Sónya and Natásha looked at...
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Summary
This chapter reveals the complex web of relationships within the Rostov household through two parallel conversations. Upstairs, we witness a painful family dynamic as Vera, the eldest daughter, disrupts her younger siblings' innocent romantic moments. Her cold, critical nature contrasts sharply with Natasha's warmth and kindness. When Vera threatens to tell their mother about the young people's 'secrets,' tensions explode. Natasha calls her sister heartless and compares her to a governess—a cutting insult that reveals how Vera's need to control and criticize isolates her from genuine connection. Meanwhile, downstairs, Princess Anna Mikhaylovna demonstrates masterful social navigation as she confides in the Countess about her desperate financial situation. Her son Boris needs money for his military career, and she's planning to approach the wealthy Count Bezukhov directly. Anna Mikhaylovna shows how desperation can drive people to bold action—she's willing to risk social embarrassment to secure her son's future. The chapter illustrates two different approaches to getting what you want: Vera uses criticism and control (which backfires), while Anna Mikhaylovna uses vulnerability and strategic relationship-building. Both women are fighting for their families, but their methods and results couldn't be more different. The chapter also hints at larger themes about wealth, inheritance, and the lengths parents will go to for their children's advancement in society.
That's what happens. To understand what the author is really doing—and to discuss this chapter with confidence—keep reading.
Terms to Know
tête-à-tête
A private conversation between two people, literally meaning 'head-to-head' in French. In aristocratic society, these intimate talks were how real business got done - away from prying eyes and ears.
Modern Usage:
We still use this for any private, serious conversation - like when your boss pulls you aside or you need to 'have a talk' with someone.
social calling
The formal practice of visiting people's homes during set hours to maintain relationships and show respect. Missing these visits or handling them poorly could damage your reputation and opportunities.
Modern Usage:
Today this looks like networking events, holiday parties, or even maintaining your social media presence - it's still about showing up and being seen.
patronage system
How wealthy, powerful people helped those beneath them in exchange for loyalty and services. Anna Mikhaylovna is essentially asking Count Bezukhov to become Boris's patron by funding his military career.
Modern Usage:
We see this in mentorship programs, scholarship funding, or when someone with connections helps you get a job or promotion.
family hierarchy
The strict pecking order within families, where birth order, gender, and favor determined your power and privileges. Vera, as the eldest daughter, expects authority but lacks her parents' affection.
Modern Usage:
Family dynamics still follow these patterns - the golden child, the scapegoat, the responsible one who gets taken for granted.
strategic vulnerability
Anna Mikhaylovna's technique of showing weakness and desperation to gain sympathy and support. She reveals her financial struggles to motivate the Countess to help her.
Modern Usage:
This is what people do when they share personal struggles on social media or open up to friends about their problems to get emotional or practical support.
governess status
Governesses were educated women who worked for wealthy families but weren't quite servants or family members - they occupied an uncomfortable middle position. Being compared to one was insulting.
Modern Usage:
Today this might be like being called 'middle management' - you have some authority but no real power, and nobody really respects you.
Characters in This Chapter
Vera
family antagonist
The eldest Rostov daughter who disrupts her siblings' romantic moments and threatens to tell on them. Her cold, controlling behavior isolates her from family warmth and makes her the odd one out.
Modern Equivalent:
The family tattletale who thinks being the 'responsible one' gives her the right to police everyone else
Anna Mikhaylovna
strategic survivor
A widowed princess facing financial ruin who uses her friendship with the Countess to gain access to wealthy Count Bezukhov. She's desperate but clever about how she pursues help for her son Boris.
Modern Equivalent:
The single mom who networks strategically and isn't too proud to ask for help when her kid needs opportunities
Natasha
family heart
The warm, spirited younger daughter who stands up to Vera's bullying and defends the innocent romantic atmosphere. Her emotional honesty contrasts with Vera's calculated coldness.
Modern Equivalent:
The family member everyone actually wants to be around because she's genuine and fun
The Countess
social hostess
Exhausted from receiving congratulatory visitors, she seeks private time with her old friend Anna Mikhaylovna. She clearly favors some children over others, particularly showing little warmth toward Vera.
Modern Equivalent:
The mom who's tired from hosting but still makes time for her closest friends to vent
Boris
ambitious son
Anna Mikhaylovna's son who needs financial backing for his military career. Though not directly present, his future depends on his mother's ability to secure patronage from wealthy connections.
Modern Equivalent:
The college kid whose mom is working every angle to help him get ahead
Why This Matters
Connect literature to life
This chapter teaches how to distinguish between people who try to control you through criticism and those who connect with you through vulnerability.
Practice This Today
This week, notice when someone makes requests—are they pointing out your flaws and making threats, or sharing their real situation and asking for partnership?
You have the foundation. Now let's look closer.
Key Quotes & Analysis
"With you I will be quite frank"
Context: She's setting up her friend the Countess for a request by establishing intimacy and trust
This is classic strategic communication - she's signaling that what comes next is important and personal. By emphasizing their special friendship, she's creating obligation and preparing the ground for her ask.
In Today's Words:
I'm going to be real with you because we go way back
"Don't you see you are not wanted here?"
Context: She's telling Vera to leave so she can have a private conversation with Anna Mikhaylovna
This brutal directness shows how little regard the Countess has for Vera's feelings. It reveals the harsh family dynamics where some children are clearly less favored than others.
In Today's Words:
Can't you take a hint? We want to talk alone
"You have no heart, no soul, you are like a governess"
Context: She's lashing out at Vera for threatening to tell on the young people's innocent romantic activities
This insult cuts deep because it positions Vera as an outsider in her own family - someone with authority but no real belonging. It shows how Vera's controlling behavior backfires and pushes people away.
In Today's Words:
You're heartless and act like you're the boss of us when you're not even really family
Intelligence Amplifier™ Analysis
The Road of Two Strategies - Control vs. Connection
When people need something from others, they choose between controlling through criticism or connecting through vulnerability, with vastly different long-term results.
Thematic Threads
Social Strategy
In This Chapter
Anna Mikhaylovna uses vulnerability strategically while Vera uses control tactics
Development
Building on earlier social maneuvering, now showing contrasting approaches
In Your Life:
You might recognize these same two strategies in how you ask for raises, handle family conflicts, or navigate workplace politics.
Family Dynamics
In This Chapter
Vera's criticism isolates her from siblings who see her as cold and controlling
Development
Deepening the portrait of Rostov family relationships and hierarchies
In Your Life:
You might see this in families where one person always plays the critic or enforcer, creating resentment instead of respect.
Desperation
In This Chapter
Anna Mikhaylovna's financial crisis drives her to risk social embarrassment for her son's future
Development
Introduced here as a driving force behind bold social moves
In Your Life:
You might recognize this in moments when financial pressure forces you to ask for help you'd normally be too proud to request.
Class Navigation
In This Chapter
Anna Mikhaylovna must carefully approach wealthy Count Bezukhov despite their class difference
Development
Continuing exploration of how people navigate social and economic hierarchies
In Your Life:
You might see this when you need to approach someone with more power or money than you have, requiring careful strategy and timing.
Authenticity
In This Chapter
Natasha's genuine warmth contrasts sharply with Vera's artificial propriety
Development
Building on earlier contrasts between natural and performed behavior
In Your Life:
You might notice this difference between people who are naturally warm versus those who follow social rules without genuine feeling.
Modern Adaptation
When the Promotion Goes Sideways
Following Andrew's story...
Andrew's been managing his late father's chain of auto repair shops for two years, still figuring out leadership. At the monthly family meeting, his sister Monica corners him about promoting her boyfriend Jake to shop manager. She lists every mistake the current crew has made, threatens to tell their mother about Andrew's 'poor judgment,' and demands he fire people to make room for Jake. Andrew feels trapped between family loyalty and fairness to his workers. Meanwhile, his aunt Carmen pulls him aside privately. She admits her son Danny desperately needs work—he's been clean for six months but can't get hired anywhere with his record. She doesn't demand anything, just shares her fears about Danny relapsing without purpose. She asks if Andrew knows anyone who might give a kid a second chance. Carmen's vulnerability moves Andrew more than Monica's demands ever could. He realizes Monica's trying to control him through guilt and threats, while Carmen's building connection through honest need.
The Road
The road Vera walked in 1805, Monica walks today. The road Anna Mikhaylovna walked then, Carmen walks now. The pattern is identical: desperation drives strategy, but the strategy determines whether you gain allies or create enemies.
The Map
This chapter provides a navigation tool for recognizing manipulation versus genuine request for help. Andrew can learn to distinguish between people who use criticism and threats to control versus those who share vulnerability to build connection.
Amplification
Before reading this, Andrew might have caved to Monica's demands just to avoid conflict, or dismissed Carmen's request as family drama. Now he can NAME the difference between manipulation and authentic need, PREDICT that Monica's approach will damage relationships while Carmen's builds them, and NAVIGATE by responding to vulnerability with help and to control tactics with boundaries.
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
- 1
What different strategies do Vera and Anna Mikhaylovna use to get what they want from others?
analysis • surface - 2
Why does Vera's approach with her siblings backfire while Anna Mikhaylovna succeeds with the Countess?
analysis • medium - 3
Where have you seen someone use criticism or threats to try to control a situation? How did people respond?
application • medium - 4
When you need help from someone, do you tend to demand it or ask for it vulnerably? What results do you typically get?
application • deep - 5
What does this chapter reveal about why some people choose control over connection when they feel desperate?
reflection • deep
Critical Thinking Exercise
Rewrite Your Last Conflict
Think of a recent situation where you needed something from someone and it didn't go well. Write out what happened, then rewrite the conversation using Anna Mikhaylovna's approach instead of Vera's. What would you say differently? How might the other person have responded?
Consider:
- •Focus on sharing your real situation rather than pointing out what the other person did wrong
- •Consider how admitting your needs might make you seem more relatable, not weaker
- •Think about whether you were trying to control the outcome or build genuine connection
Journaling Prompt
Write about a time when someone's vulnerability made you want to help them more, not less. What did they do that made you feel connected to their situation?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 15: Navigating Power and Desperation
In the next chapter, you'll discover to approach powerful people when you need something, and learn reading social dynamics and unspoken tensions in formal settings. These insights reveal timeless patterns that resonate in our own lives and relationships.